Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Day to Day

So, what happened to me? Why did I stop blogging, you might ask. The truth is that life continues. You eat, sleep, and work, and the world goes on. I can truthfully say after the trauma in my life in the last years I am starting to feel marginally normal. On the other hand, as soon as something is happening out of the ordinary I jump back into trauma mode, certain that a catastrophe is about to strike. Living like that is scary. My nerves have a lot of retraining to experience yet. In the past weeks I actually started thinking about things like going for a jog and got rather excited. Unfortunately, getting into that condition will take some work. Somewhere in the muddle of summer I broke my foot, the little toe metatarsal on the outside of my foot. So I spent the last four weeks dragging around a boot. Walking like that has a way of confining a mother to just simple daily tasks, nothing else. I have been blessed to be able to accomplish even that.

But really truthfully, what happened to blogging? Well, the baby is high maintenance, and seems to be fairly demanding about quality time with his mother. And the boy thing, wow, people told me they eat all the time. In his case it is really true. I should have known,since he's a chip off the old block. Kudos to my mother-in-law who raised four of this gender. They are definitely consumers. The other day my little eleven month old son was on the kitchen floor whimpering with his head between his knees. Goodness, must be bad! All that was wrong was that he was hungry. It had been an hour!

Truthfully, where have I been? I am running an inn. Truthfully, is that all? No, not all. I have been raising two girls. Clothing, feeding, and training them to be women.

Okay, it's hard for me to admit the truth because it involves so many changes. We are building a house, rather, my husband is building the house. I am holding down the fort.

So, back to the question "What have I been doing?" I could continue to weave around this one but I will just be out with it. Nothing I dreamed of doing, nothing I would have come close to attempting three years ago, but sometime in the next approximately two months you will see a new arrival in the book world. "Wounded Trust" will make it's appearance. Yes, I became an author. You might say "How in the world?" Basically, it was God. You might say I don't want to read a book about death. Yes, it is about death because Kira did die. But more than that it is about life in God. Hope beyond this world. The grace of God. Maybe even more than that, yet it is about the dare to embrace life no matter what your plate may hold, and to keep on trusting. The main core of the book started with the blog entries. They have been restructured, some have more reality in them, and then much more.

As I wrote the last chapter to "Wounded Trust" I felt myself being okay with my life, the happenings of the last two years. They have become part of being shaped into a woman who loves Jesus more. No, there is not so much pain there anymore, and yet just yesterday I found those crazy pelican socks I had bought for her weeks before her death. They are purple with black, white, and red penquins. I cried. I miss her just like the yesterday of February 18, 2009. I realize more than ever that this pain will stay with me for life. In 20 years when I look at these socks I will still get a lump in my throat. The pain is just going to be here. It is still mine to look at every day I live on this imperfect earth.

Marylu, Merlin, the girls, and a boy

35 comments:

  1. a book? wow & good for you! i had an interesting conversation w/ Marlea @
    grandparents day @ school. she said 'Renita's boy is in kindergarten & tho she misses Kira, it helps that he's there.' bless her heart! Marlea is like a miniature Marylu! :) {HUGS!} oh, happy moving day! Esther

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  2. God Bless you, you beautiful young woman in Christ and your precious family. Will anxiously await the book and the completion of the new house. So many blessings and you are still in our prayers and thoughts. Lillie Mae and "Bob"

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  3. I'm grateful to see you posted. And am looking forward to your book being released. Cheers!

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  4. I'll read the book for sure!
    Thanks for posting again.
    Bless you as you hold down the fort. I hope you can affirm your husband for what he's able to do on the house, even while you prob. wish he were with you and the children more.
    Sarah with 2 boys and 2 girls.

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  5. Marylu
    Can't wait to read your book. But of course you must sign it. I think of you and your family often. We were blessed to have found your B&B. Debbie Pahlman

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  6. So good to see you once again on the blog.

    I have so appreciated your candor and openness in sharing your journey. Your writings have truly been a blessing to many.
    You are a gifted writer and will inspire many with your reflections.

    You are always remembered in my prayers.

    Hugs for the children.
    Love,
    Lee T.

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  7. Marylu,
    How will one go about getting a copy of your book?
    Kaye Bennett

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  8. I would like to have a copy of your book too. where will I be able to get it? --Michele N.

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  9. I just happened upon your blog and have been weeping when I read your accounts of what happened with Kira Mary. I have never had a child so I do not know the love a mother has for her child and the grief of losing her child, but I do feel for you. I pray that the ache of the grief will be healed and you may be filled with the joy of memories of Kira.

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  10. Dearest Marylou,
    I look forward to reading your book. So glad that your heart is being filled once again with His peace.
    My heart smiled to read your blog again.
    Thank you from your far away friend,
    Debbie

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  12. Been keeping you & your family in my thoughts & prayers! Also, please let us know when your book becomes available, and where they can be purchased!

    God bless,
    Lisa Ann DiNunzio

    ReplyDelete
  13. MaryLu,
    Always in my prayers. You are a a clear channel for me to my God. I am so blessed to have you touch my life. Your thoughts, and feelings have been an inspiration to me and have changed my life and my thinking in so many positive ways.
    Be well. God Bless,
    Lorraine Vittoriosa

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  20. Marylu, You have no idea how much you have helped me by sharing your thoughts and feelings. Your feelings mirrored mine so many times I could hardly belive it.You see, my life was shattered on Oct 6,2010 when our precious Joshua went to be with Jesus.Two years old and the light of our life, and just like that we're left trying to breathe,to survive.So much of my pain has been seeing our oldest son,Jonathan [almost 4 when Joshua died] trying to survive without his best friend.It's still so hard for me to think what his life would be like. Reading how Marlea missed Kira Mary made me cry and cry.It's one thing to try to live through the pain yourself,but to see your child hurting so much... It almost scares me how far you've come in the last year. God has enabled me to go on so far, I know He'll continue help me through. It just hurts so much! I can't wait to read your book. Thank you for sharing your grief journey. Rachel

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