We feel separation. We feel it intensely, daily, every minute. We are separated from Kira for the rest of our time here on earth. We will live, grow older, change. She will not change with us. We will never see her as a teenager, young woman, mother, or grandmother. We will always wonder what she looks like in heaven and we will never know until we get there. My arrival could be tomorrow, next year, thirty or fifty years. I don't know. Separation could go on and on for what seems like a long time to us. But, to Kira a thousand years are as one day. My human mind can't fathom that. My mother heart wants to reach out and touch her. I can't - I am on earth and she in heaven. I want to hold her hand, run my hand thru her fine, silky hair. I - can't I am on earth and she in heaven. I want to make her breakfast, put on her shoes and coat. I can't - she doesn't need them. I want to care for her when she is sick, cold, and lonely. I can't - she never is. I want to her to run towards me into my arms and give me a sound smoochy kiss. I can't - she isn't mine anymore. I beg God for another chance, to have the knowledge about HIB and do it over. I can't - she is already gone. Death, final forever to us here on this earth. Death, the only thing that can be this life changing. Death, what steals a normal day and turns it into your worst nightmare. Separation, what death brings. Separation, what people in hell will feel when they look into heaven. Heaven - a place beyond our human minds, where I am going.
The only thing that really matters to me is whether or not people go to heaven.
Last night we were again feeling so sad. Friday night, here comes the weekend and all the fun family time we used to have. Feeling the pains of separation. The longing for her, God and heaven. Crying out for comfort to our Heavenly Father. At night, when everything is dark and still God seems so close to us. I could picture Him holding us just like He held Kira in His arms those days and nights in the hospital. Again, we trust Him blindly to heal our broken hearts.
One verse that I keep thinking of. It's so real to me. "Jesus wept" John 11:35
We feel so cared for and thank you all for that. Your kind words, care, and cards are a picture of Jesus to us.
The Yutzy's
Marylu and Merlin, Marlea, Anna
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My friend, though the valley of pain is long & sometimes seems to be unbearable, God who is called FAITHFUL is faithful...faithful in giving little pieces of gems, faithful in bringing glimpes of light in the darkness, of giving comfort instead of despair. We pray! My love - Esther Glick
ReplyDeleteI don't know you and you don't know me, but I just stumbled on to your site. Just wanted you to know that I will be praying for you as God leads you through this difficult time. Just keep looking to him! Anna Boyd
ReplyDeleteI had posted while Kira was in the hospital.We don't know eachother but you have touched our hearts. We have 2 little girls [ages 5 1/2 & 4] that keep asking about Kira. We would pray for healing while she was sick and now that she is in heaven, we are praying for strength for you, her family. I have had late nights sitting on my 5 1/2 yr. olds bed, talking about Kira in heaven, her wanting to know what heaven is like. My daugther was in the Children's hospital last yr. and diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Ever since then she has been even more sensitive about situations like Kira's. She keeps saying how Marlea must be sad without her little sister and then wants to pray for her.Though we haven't met, you have touched our lives. We will continue to pray for you, her family. May God wrap his arms of grace, strength and peace around you all DAILY. With Christian love.......
ReplyDeleteMaryLou,
ReplyDeleteMy love to you and your family in this incredibly difficult time. It has to hurt so much! Your faith in God in the face of pain is amazing...praying for you, Barb Beachy
As always, I continue to think of you and pray for you. May God continue to help you through this unbelievable time of pain and heartache. I can't even imagine what you are going through daily. Looking forward to seeing you on Friday. STAY STRONG!
ReplyDeleteJeanine
Merlin & MaryLu,
ReplyDeleteWe hurt with you,Kira's funeral brought many memories back for us.Our 3yr.old daughter is also in heaven,I imagine them sitting by a trickling brook dipping their little feet into the water,as they lift their feet they are not wet,imagine the pitter,patter on those golden streets! They have been spared so much pain and heartache, and it is so hard to let go.Keep looking to Jesus-He has born all our griefs and sorrows.
Jacob Jr.& Elsie Yoder
thanks for letting us see your heart again, sis. I love you. Evie
ReplyDeleteDearest Marylu,
ReplyDeleteMay God give you each new day clarity of thought, strength of mind, body and spirit. Someone very wise once told me that God has only lent these precious children to us. I think of that as at age 46 last year we lost baby number 5. God is so loving and kind. We think and pray for you all continually.
Debbie (as in Charlie & Debbie)
Merlin & Mary Lu,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to let you know you are still in our thoughts and prayers. I can only imagine the pain you're going through, but I do care deeply.
-Yvonne Nisly
thank-you again for sharing your pain and life with us. I wish I could "make it all better", but I cannot. Only God can. And I love the way you are resting and clinging to Him!
ReplyDeleteHugs- Wilma
Merlin, Marylu, Marlea & Anna:
ReplyDeleteWe are so grateful that you are sharing your heart at this incredible time in your lives.
We are continuing our prayers daily for all of you. Your strength & faithfulness to the word of God and His promises are inspiring!
On Sunday, as I knelt at the altar before the Mass, I prayed that you would be comforted, find peace and healing for your broken hearts through the love of Jesus Christ.
May God, in His infinite mercy continue to comfort you with His abounding grace.
Love,
Lee & John Tucker
you are still much in our heart and prayers. i can mostly only pray for one thing, that thru this dark painful valley, God would be very very precious to all of you. He always is faithful to his children.
ReplyDeletemuch love
susan
since finding out about your incredible loss; you have been and will continue to be in our frequent and ferverent prayers.
ReplyDeletei came across this verse today and instantly thought of your family.
"Remember your word to your servant, for You have given me HOPE. My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise perserves my life."--Psalm 119:49-50.
blessings, peace, and strength to you..
In HIM,
Doug & Keleigh Nigh
Please know that you are not alone in your grief. I learned of Kira through a good friend, who's family knows yours. Although I don't know you personally, your blogs have touched me so profoundly that I couldn't help but grieve with you- such a beautiful little sweet baby. God bless you and heal you. You have such unshaking faith. I am amazed. May God grant Kira eternal rest in His kingdom. Memory eternal to her!
ReplyDeleteMay the God of all grace and mercy be so evident and real to you every second of the day. Praise God for what He has given you, eventhough it is the hardest thing you could possibly think about doing... He is a good God and this would have never happened if it didn't have huge ramifications for the kingdom of God. Rejoice in the fact that God chose Kira to accomplish His perfect will, she must really be something special. His grace is sufficient and He loves your entire family more than life....
ReplyDeletei pray for u daily! God bless u!
ReplyDeletei cry for u daily!!! I feel so sad for u but there is NOTHING anyone can do or day to help ease your pain. may god bless u and help you get through this. i will keep praying for u.
ReplyDeleteWe continue to pray for your family..
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you.
Linda and Tom Devlin
I am sobbing as I write this! I so needed to be remined of that. I have 5 lovely healthy blessings, but I will admit, sometimes I get too caught up in the here and now. The dirt they drag in, the bickering from time to time, the endless mountain of work!! I love my children dearly, and can't imagine life w/out them!
ReplyDeleteThanks for being open, and honest on here. God is working in me, and just now He used you! Blessings and prayers....
My prayers are with you and your family. I don't know you all, but I hurt so for your family. May the Lord give you the strength you need for each moment of the day.
ReplyDeletePraying always for you and your
ReplyDeletefamily. Yes, indeed Kira is in
Heaven and pain free, but just
because she is not here anymore
does not mean she will EVER leave
your thoughts & heart! She has left
an everlasting impression on the
hearts of many...including mine!
I have fond memories myself of
watching her at the suites, and
talking with her at the register
and walking around there. I don't
believe in "Closure"...to me,
that simply means "closed" and
when you love or care for someone
the memories will always be there
and the heart shall for ever remain
OPEN and full of love for that person.
Kira lives on through you! And, yes
one day you will be reunited with her
in Heaven and YES you will KNOW HER!
She will be the one running towards
you with open arms, wating for that
"sound smoochy kiss"!
God be with you and bring you continued
comfort.
Lisa Ann DiNunzio
New Jersey
Merlin and Mary Lu and girls~
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to let you know that we are still thinking of you lots and remembering you in our prayers!! I pray that God will pour out His grace and healing right when you need it! Much Love! ---Devon Petersheim
Thanks for continuing to share your heart. Your are still in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDelete