Incidents

Sometimes reality hits me hard and gets right in my face. It chills my heart, freezes my brain, and sends darts to my soul. Pain that is just so hard to realize and there are no words that fully describe it. One night I was giving Marlea and Anna a bath. We accidentally put three washcloths in the bathtub. Marlea stared at it and said: "I wish Kira would be here to use that washcloth. If she would be here then everything would be okay again. It's so hard this way." Feelings raced up inside me screaming in pain. I was tempted to feel tortured - ruined forever. A few days later on Valentine's Day, I was dressing Anna. I pulled out some tights with hearts on them. My memory said there is another pair in there and that might still fit Marlea. I should have known better...I dug a little and pulled them out. The tag said 4T-5T. I fingered them lovingly and shoved them back in the drawer. How I would have loved to put them on Kira. Again those torturous feelings screamed inside me causing me to feel inexplicable, unbearable pain. My soul takes me to the foot of the cross and I hang on knowing that Jesus felt my pain. The gratitude I feel in my heart for his sacrifice so that I can see Kira again is also beyond words.

Last Valentine's Kira, Marlea, and I had a lot of fun making sandwich cookies for our inn guests. Marlea helped for a while, then she was ready to move on to something else. Kira helped me to the end, including helping me put the cookies into little boxes. I was surprised - she was so grown up about it and really was helping. I still have the recipe stuck on my kitchen cabinet. It was the last thing she helped me to bake. If you ate one of those cookies, consider yourself fortunate (Kira and her Papa especially enjoyed eating any available ones) and know that a little girl delighted in helping make them.

We cross the year mark on Friday that Kira went to the hospital. Please pray that our feelings could continue to be redeemed. Thinking of those memories has gotten somewhat easier and yet they still are like I wrote: deep pain beyond description. We want to rest in God and His plan for us and our family.

Marylu and Merlin, Marlea, Anna