I am tempted to bargain with God. This temptation has been with me for a year now. I would like to say "Okay God, see me here. I am trying to be okay with this. I still love and honor you. I continue to call you my God. Don't I deserve extra blessings? You took away -my- Kira and I am learning to be okay with that. It would help a lot if you would give me more somethings. Don't I deserve them? I worked for them. Oh, and yes Kira is gone but You can't dare take anything else from me. I wouldn't be able to handle that. Do something God, make it more obvious that you love me if you actually do." And so my thoughts go on. A few things I am learning in relation to this temptation are as follows:
1. When the sun goes down every night, God is still God. When I close my eyes at night, God is still God. When the sun comes up, my eyes open, and I determinedly plant my feet on the floor-God is still God.
2. God might have a different idea concerning blessings than I do.
3. My interpretation of God is so unreal about how God actually is; I am blinded because I am human and God is not.
4. Eternal blessings far outweigh earthly blessings.
5. I can't suggest to God what he should do - He is sovereign and knows what is best for me because He can see the whole picture of my life and I can't. I can only surmise what I think the picture might be.
6. Being a begging dog reaching for a bone is not a nice way to live.
7. What I consider "our children" or "my husband" or "my things" are God's and so I don't have the authority to demand He not touch them.
8. I don't have an opinion in what I think I can or cannot handle - God's grace is always bigger than my need.
9. God's love for me doesn't depend on circumstances, actions, or whether or not I honor and love Him.
10. At the end of this life when I meet God and finally see His face, this is what I want to hear "Well done thou good and faithful child, enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.
11. I am blessed!
Kira liked to be in the kitchen with me. Sometimes out of desperation to keep her out of my stuff I gave her and Marlea bowls of flour, a cup, and a spoon. Great entertainment and great cleanup afterwards. Meanwhile I tried to find a spot for myself in my small kitchen and could hardly find any space left. I usually ended up in despair with a cake or five baked and little girls covered in flour. Of course they ended up happy and ready to go play something else again, leaving me with the flour to clean.
Merlin is fighting to stay healthy. Please continue to pray for his healing and pray that the rest of us would know how to encourage him.
Marylu and Merlin, Marlea, Anna
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Blessings to you and your family. Dear God, please place your hand on Merlin and heal his body from the sickness he has. Thank-you.And continue to heal the painful hearts the family is experiencing from the death of their beautiful daughter Kira. I lift them all up to Your throne and intercede on their behalf. Praise and blessing and honor belong to You, o Lord Most High.
ReplyDeleteYou said it all...no matter what we say, think or do...it will never change that God is God, and His ways are higher then ours. I continue to hold your entire family up in prayer! Have a blessed Resurrection Sunday!
ReplyDeleteJust wanted you to know...I'm reading your blogs and again feeling your pain today. You are so brave and are an inspiration to me. Praying that Merlin's health would only improve and that God would continue to show His faithfulness to you as a couple, and also to your sweet little girlies.
ReplyDeleteYou are always in my prayers. This Holy Week & Resurrection Sunday were prayerful times of intense listening to the Word of the Lord as the Passion, Death & Resurrection were again proclaimed. Out of the suffering of Christ came the Hope of His joyful Resurrection and the Hope of the redemption of our sins so that we may share eternity with Him.
ReplyDeleteThe recurring word that struck me all through holy week was HOPE. Hope in the midst of pain, loss, anxiety, fear & so many of the agonies we experience. Hope of the promises of Gd that He is always faithful and will be there with us granting the grace of endurance and the promise of eternal life.
Your faith is tremendous and has been a magnificent blessing to me and surely many others.
"May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him" Psalm 15:13.
Love and continued prayers for healing & peace.
Lee T.