Waves

I have heard someone say that grief comes in waves. My mind pictures the ocean. Last fall we were in El Salvador and spent two nights on the beach by the Pacific Ocean. There the waves crash onto rocky shore. In between the rocks are soft puddles of sand. At night the tide comes way up and the waves crash mighty crashes all night long that spray water into the air and up over the concrete walls, often giving water to plants on the other side. I have never been there in a storm but I think the power of the waves would frighten me. Likewise, in my life these waves of grief crash onto rocky shore. They make puddles between the rocks. Puddles that with God's help I am trying to keep impressionable. Sometimes the waves crash, the pain is great and the water splashes on those around me. People see my pain with their eyes because it's obvious that Kira is not here. They can hear my pain with their ears when I speak. I pray that the splashes of water they receive from me will help them grow. My heart is not stormy anymore. I can feel the storm ending. But the waves don't leave. Maybe as time goes on they will be more like low tide waves leaving only soft puddles in the sand. Right now I think they are pretty much still like high tide waves at least in portions of the day. Currents in my life trigger big waves...Yesterday one gripped me as I looked at Kira's clothes. Today one gripped me as Marlea told me how much she misses Kira especially when she looks at pictures of how it used to be. On Mother's Day it gripped me as I looked out the window at my nieces and nephews playing. Anna told me she saw Kira out there and I felt the wave go through me. Kira's friend sat with me in church and I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like with three little girls. The wave washed over me as I realized that I will never experience a six year old, four year old, and two year old at the same time. Not with the names Marlea, Kira, and Anna. The ocean seems to be okay with the tides. Someday will I be? My longing for heaven grows stronger...a place with no waves. Only peace.

All little girls like to dress up. There is no story about it. It just is natural. This picture is worth a lots of words. I will spare the words and just share the picture.

Thanks so much for still remembering us and caring for us. Continue to pray that we would be able to balance our lives in the waves, puddles, and sprays.

Marylu and Merlin, Marlea, Anna