Free-the way we are made to live

When God created the world He created us to be free. Free to experience life in perfection. Free to dance, run, and dream. Free to reach out and touch a lion, pet a tiger, chase a bear. Freedom from distractions that now plague us. Utimately to be free from death and sickness.

The woman changed all that with one move, the wrong move. Because of that we experience things like death and sickness. Man's freedom was gone forever. And in it's place is only a longing to be free and wild. Oh to run and never have to return to any care! In that moment, the first woman experienced for the first time something all women strongly dislike: change. We hate it, we go around it, under it, over it, but it always comes back and we hesitantly adjust to it.

Out of that also God comes to our rescue with the atoning death of His Son. Once again man can experience freedom and life everlasting. No change, Jesus is always the same. He always beckons us to come. Doesn't matter how ugly we feel, how righteous we might think we are, how lost we become until we get there. He even goes as far as to blot out our sins forever with his blood, if we believe in Him.

Today in my life I feel this verse: "And you will know the truth, and the truth shall make you free". John 8:38 I always thought this verse meant the Bible - which I know it still does. But, today I realize that I know the truth. The truth is that Kira died. The truth also is that God has cared for me so well and that He is taking care of her in heaven. He is and has been so real to me, He has brought truth to me, He has worked through the people around me, He showed me Himself without me dying. I know the truth...in that I will find freedom. I will not be forever like this, I know the truth...the truth sets me free. I embrace what happened, but I know the truth...Kira was a gift. I even trust God to bless us, I know the truth...He has, is, and will in the future. It might not always be in the way we want it to be. In this I remember the prayer I prayed aloud over and over sobbing by Kira's bedside "God I want her to be happy. She was too joyful and free to suffer. God, if she would be happier in heaven, please take her there. I love her too much to watch her suffer here. But, God if she will be okay and happy here, please heal her". God answered my prayer...

The struggle is great. Satan would have us to not embrace the truth. He does not want us to experience freedom. He tries to make it seem like life will never be joyful again, that we will live with a cloud, that the cloud will follow us wherever we go. He wants us to believe that God will not ever bless us in any way. He wants us to be too scared to trust in a loving and faithful God. But, God always wins because Satan can't offer freedom! His way is full of lies and bondage-not freedom and truth. Please pray that we will continue to know the truth, embrace it, and speak it.

Merlin got his test results back this week. He still has CMV (cytomegalovirus) which is similar to mono. He had it five years ago and apparently it never left, just comes back to haunt him when he gets under stress. That explains the last two months and the last five years to us. The good part is that now that we actually know, we can try to work against it, according to the doctor. Praise God with us for that. Also pray that through his sickness too, we would trust God. Such a simple step and yet can seem so huge to us.

Thanks to all of you who have encouraged us with cards. Marlea especially loves getting cards with her name on. Please continue to pray for her, reality has set in for her as well. She is so lonely for Kira. The warm weather beckons her but it also brings back lots of memories and makes the longing intense. It comes out in lots of ways for a five year old. Pray for us too that we would have wisdom in guiding her. It wrenches our hearts.

Today I think of Kira's thing of declaring me in jail as I referred to in her memory blog two weeks ago. "Mommy is in jail, this WHOLE house jail". Yes, life in the house can be like jail, but there is a beautiful creation awaiting me outside and I am so glad it is spring. I smile when I think of that, she was so crazy sometimes.

Marylu and Merlin, Marlea, Anna