Last night I dreamed again that Kira was in the hospital, we were so upset-but then she recovered. We were so happy to have her home again and enjoyed her so much. I awoke with a start, thinking it was true and everything was okay again. Disappointment and anger came as I blinked remembering that no, Kira is in heaven, not back in her bed. Tears rolled in my heart as I tossed in my bed trying to come to grips with reality and be okay with it. God, why? Why is she gone? Why can't I still have her? Why did our dreams for her have to be shattered? Thinking of the dream throughout the day reminded me of our dreams for her...
Kira was so sweet-we had dreams that she would become a lady that brings tenderness and caring to people. Kira was joyful-we envisioned her filling those around her with God's joy. Kira was full of energy-we thought of all she would be able to do. Kira was smart-we watched that look of understanding growing in her eyes and realized she could become very intelligent. Kira was beautiful-we dreamed of her being a beautiful woman. Kira was tall-we pictured her at six feet tall, and even maybe more when she would be finished growing. As I thought of these things and pondered them in my heart I realized the pain of not being a part of these dreams. The dreams I had in my heart of being her mother, helping her through life, watching her discover things for herself, being there for her when the world crashes in, leading her to Jesus, directing her energy in the right way. Dreams, broken dreams, shattered in a couple of days. Shattered by just a few wrong twists of events. Dreams that are no longer earthly dreams; they have turned into dreams of arriving in heaven and seeing her again. Dreams that lay broken waiting for Jesus to heal them and turn them into something beautiful.
A few weeks ago I wrote on "Fear." I have felt a very distinct release of fear since being honest about it. Thanks so much to all of you for your encouragement. I realized again how the truth sets us free. Along with that Satan tries very hard to make me believe it's just my imagination that I feel better about it. He is trying another tactic with me, trying to destroy my vision and anticipation of heaven, or that it is even real. Please pray that Merlin and I will be strong in this battle and not believe the lies. The battle wages on. We know from prior experience that God hears the prayers of his saints, and we thank you for them.
Marylu and Merlin, Marlea, Anna
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Keep on keeping on, Merlin and MaryLu, Heaven IS real..and we ARE going there to see our precious little ones. We ARE going to make it!! -Jon and Lill
ReplyDeleteHeaven is real and Kira is there with God.
ReplyDeleteShe was chosen to be one of his angels and prepare for all those she loves.
She is a special little 'angel.'
Please continue to take it one day at a time!
We are all praying for you and your family.
Linda and Tom Devlin
My heart and me r crying w/ u!! we r from ohio and i heard what u went thru,,, we too lost our 5 moth old son in june of last yaer(it will b a year the 29)he was home half the time time,, the last two months spent in the hospital,,, GOD KNOWS UR HURT UR PAIN AND UR ANGER,, AND MOST OF ALL WHY!!! WE R ASKING EVERY DAY,,, WE HAVE 3 OTHER SONS AND EVERYTIME THEY SEE A RAINBOW THEY KOLTON(OUR SON)IS SLIDING DOWN THE RAINBOW AND SO IS KIRA!!! THEY R PARENTED BY OUR HEAVENLY FATHER!!! love and prayers,, the yoders
ReplyDeleteI will pray for you as i go throughout the rest of my day, especially against that lie from the enemy, bringing lies to you about Heaven's reality. Heaven has felt very real to me lately with Merle's cousin having died, and thinking about him being there. my Mom-in-law was telling me about a man that was at the viewing that told her about his experiences of having been in Heaven twice--being embraced by Jesus, and the other time sitting in Jesus' lap...it makes me eager to be there, and experience the reality of Heaven and the fulfillment of my longing to be with my Saviour too. it is coming! hang in there, my dear cousin. you will be with Kira again! love ya, Karen
ReplyDeleteheaven is real! that belief is what makes it bearable to live on this earth. we need to get together again Marylu. --Michele
ReplyDeleteMary Lou did you ever read the book called "Heaven" by Randy Acorn. You can get it on amazon.com I am reading it right now and it makes heaven so real and more understandable. O how I long to be there some day to see Jesus and Dave. To be honest I still struggle with is it right to want to see Dave first? Mary
ReplyDeleteMary Lu,
ReplyDeleteI read your blog every now and then and I'm always blessed by your honesty as you travel this path of grief... God speaks to me through your posts. You are on my heart and in my prayers, Melanie