The Grave

Every Sunday morning when we have gone to church for the last seven months, we have had a new parking spot. Strangely enough, no one else wants our parking spot. We are often late for church and our parking spot is still there waiting patiently for our tan Odyssey. Beside our parking spot is the church graveyard. In it lies the precious body of our Kira. Every time we go to church I glance at that little plot and wish that she would be walking into church with us. Wishing I would be taking her hand like I did so many times and walk into church. Instead, I take Marlea's hand and the other hand is empty. Merlin, Marlea, Anna, and I walk into church feeling empty. The pain is so real and seems so present when we are at the same place as her body. After church we walk back out to our van. We walk over to her grave (Marlea is often already there) and stand there sadly around it. Anna sometimes walks over it or runs off to explore gravestones - especially fingering the angel engraved into a memorial stone close by. My mind wanders back to the picture I have in my mind of her body in the casket. I think of the verse: "To dust thou art and to dust thou shalt return." I know it is true but it is so hard to think of the body I cared for and loved turning to dust. Then my mind drifts to heaven and the real pictures God has given me of her there. I feel myself relaxing in the peace of knowing that this is only her body under this sod-the real Kira is in heaven with a new body. I marvel again at God's plan of salvation and the triumph Jesus made over the grave. Because of Jesus, I have the hope of seeing my little girl again. Peace and reality mix as Merlin and I eventually turn around and walk back to the van. My tears flow as I climb in my door. A silent unspoken sadness reigns in our van as we drive toward home.

Often when I am in the graveyard on Sundays my mind goes back to two weeks before Kira died. My aunt passed away and we were at the graveside. Marlea was peering over the grave and Kira could have cared less about the whole procedure. She was enjoying herself immensely tramping around the graveyard between memorial stones and over a barren, recently covered gravesite. It was wet and muddy that day and her black boots were soon coated with sticky mud. Merlin at one point tried to entertain her on his shoulders. It was fine with her...he was at the edge of the tent, so Kira's head was way above the tent. It didn't matter to her that she couldn't see or that all she could see was the top of the tent. What mattered is that daddy was holding her. It didn't last long and she was soon back to stomping around. By the time we were done, she was a mess waiting to be cleaned up. Her daddy did the cleanup, though frustrated at her wandering.

Thanks for your continued prayers for us. School has started and brought changes for us at home. The house seems so empty and just not the way we thought it would be. Anna, though only 17 months old-and not having seen Kira for the last 7 months, often walks around the house on those two school days calling "Kiki, Kiki..." (she had not started until after school began). Pray that we can continue to seek and embrace God's plan.

Marylu and Merlin, Marlea, Anna