Like a Sponge

I feel like a sponge. In the last six months I have been easy to wound - weak. You could press your finger on me and make an indention - just like a sponge. I have small holes in me that would be easy to fill up with traumatized thoughts, guilt, flashbacks, and fear. A sponge has holes in too; it can soak up any liquid. If the sponge absorbs the wrong type of liquid, it becomes hard; the same also to me. But, I haven't. I have been surrounded with people who have given, and then given even more. Friends have filled up the holes with scripture and with prayer. They have filled up the holes with promises and reminders of God's redemption waiting for me at the foot of the cross. They have filled up the holes in me with acts of kindness, prayer, kind, gentle, and soft words. I have soaked them up; my heart has saturated them. I look in people's eyes and see sympathy and true sorrow for our experiences. I let it soak in-I let myself feel Jesus through them. I feel like a sponge that will absorb lots of water. That sponge fills up. There is a cut off point where one wrings it out or the liquid will spill everywhere. Our friends just lost their seven-year old son yesterday. I mourn and weep for them. I am tempted to stay in my comfortable house. I could say "I can't go - it will bring too much pain and flashbacks." But they need others. They need people who know how they feel. Will I let my sponge be wrung out into other's deserts? Do I believe I have anything to offer them? Am I going to keep absorbing and absorbing and never give? Or will I let it come out? Will I let everything that has filled me, the energy other people have poured into my life, the kind acts and words that touched my broken spirit-can I let it out?

We were in Ohio to visit Merlin's family over the weekend. It was hard and good at the same time. It seemed okay to go - finally. We missed Kira so much, it could seem so raw again. I have had lots of opportunity to put last weeks thought to action. But again, my sponge was filled with kindness and tender words. Even Sunday morning at church, we saw people we haven't seen for months - and really I don't know them that well. But they genuinely care, and I feel Jesus through them. I was encouraged. It was so good to be with family again, even though it was different.

I will attempt to share my two favorite memories of Kira in Ohio. When we arrived at Grandpa's house, she had a mission to fulfill. Her mission was to find Grandma. We would sometimes arrive late and Grandma would be asleep on a chair. She couldn't feel at home until she found her. Once she was in the shower and had to wait really long until Grandma was done. She didn't have lots of words for Grandma, but the beaming, delighted face said it all. My other memory is that she liked Grandpa's rug in the living room. In fact, she liked it so much that she would crawl with the top of her head down against the rug and go across the floor like that just to be crazy. It of course made her hair stand out. I guess it was soft compared to our floor! Who knows?

I think of my illustration of the sponge and I am so thankful again for kind friends. Many of you have given to me so much again and again. Not just our friends, but our guests too, some that I really don't know very well. You have all given us deep sympathy and kind words. Thank you, and we ask for your continuing prayers. We are not finished soaking, but we desire to sometime have energy to invest in others again.

Marylu and Merlin, Marlea, Anna