Places

Places...different places bring different pain. Memories that are entrenched in our minds; unforgettable scenes; unforgettable sounds; unforgettable things our ears heard; memories that go with us for a lifetime; memories that different places bring back the pain and force it upon us. Here...this is, this was, this did happen to us. We are not only dreaming that Kira's death was horrible. Places bring back memories and become real to me again.
On Saturday we were at Calvary Monument, the church where we had Kira's viewing and funeral. As I sat in the pew, I looked tentatively down to where Kira's casket had been. Yes, I could see it in my mind. Just being at the same place brought back memories as if they happened yesterday. The pain threatened to overwhelm me as I sat there and sang "Nearer still nearer, Lord to be Thine". Tears gathered around the corners of my eyes and trickled down my cheeks. Why do these horrible memories need to be part of my life? Why when I sing "Nearer still nearer" do I think of that and Kira. I don't want it to be like this. I want to draw nearer to God some other way. Any way but through losing Kira. But no, I can see the scenes. They are part of my life and I will not lose them. My mind drifts to the many people that embraced our pain with us. The many who came to comfort us at the viewing. I can still see the faces...hear the words... and feel the hugs. I still remember the feeling in my heart as I realized over and over again the love other people had for our daughter and us. And so I sat and embraced the memories... memories a place brings me, memories that are embedded in my mind, memories that are part of my journey to healing and God.


Kira loved doors. Ever since I can remember her getting around she liked to open and close doors and gates. We have a gate outside our house on an arbor. That was one of her favorite places to play - open, close, open, close. She also liked to open the front door. To her it was her ticket to freedom. One day she was playing with a key. She tried it on doors but that wasn't enough. In the process she tried it on the front door, got it open and sneaked outside. It was nice outside and she decided to cross the road and try the key on the door over there. That is where I found her, opening and closing the door of the barn across the street - fitting the key in and out. Needless to say, I was a frantic mother and had confirmed in my mind that some children necessitate extra-protective angels. A few more hair-raising experiences occurred, mostly ones that come with little people who are taller then their minds can handle. As a result, Merlin needed to go to Home Depot and purchase chain slide locks, which Kira couldn't open. They were not to keep people out, but to keep roamers where they were supposed to be.

Thanks for your prayers. Grief and stress have taken their toll on our physical health. Please pray that we would continue to heal emotionally and physically.

Marylu and Merlin, Marlea, Anna