My Car

I live in a manner comparative to driving a car. I have become aware of some passengers that I don't like that are riding along with me. Sometimes I find one or the other to be in control. Stubbornness and determination are two of my passengers. Stubbornness rides in the front. Occasionally I forget to strap in stubbornness and he bounces around the inside the car, nearly colliding with determination. At other times I strap him in and he stays staunchly in place with his face set, looking straight ahead, living out just what I expect of him. His definition is - bull-headed. And to think he is my passenger. Determination - riding in the back seat - feels softer. Most of the time I don't buckle him. He bounces around however he wishes. Sometimes he gives me an encouraging comment. Just simple things like "That was good". Other times I just feel his encouraging presence. The wrinkle between his eyebrows is not furrowed, his jaw is not set, and he is not bullheaded like his counterpart. He patiently awaits his turn in the front seat, knowing that someday I will strap him in up there when he is esteemed highly enough in my eyes. Being determined actually means a struggle against an enemy. Oh... is an enemy present in this picture? The definition for determination adds to my resolve to make him my front seat companion - being determined. I continue on my drive down life, squeal around a corner and stubbornness nearly lands on me; I must have forgotten to strap him. I collide with a car and determination comes flying forward, lands on top of stubbornness and I sigh in relief, glad that stubbornness got squashed. I could go on describing this drive. Several things you may note; firstly, it is no secret that I have been a mechanic's wife for nearly ten years, and some things are starting to wear off on me. Secondly, this is a battle. Thirdly, I am determined to make stubbornness take the backseat; maybe eventually determination will just nudge stubbornness out the door. My car might even drive over him. For now - this is a journey on which I would like to include determination and not stubbornness.

When Kira was about two months old, I noticed she was watching something. It was Marlea, and mostly Marlea's dollhouse. The watching intensified as she grew older. As soon as she could move, she would writhe in the direction of the dollhouse. Marlea was very particular about her dollhouse; since she is the oldest and the only child before Kira, she was used to playing as she wanted. By the time Kira was able to roll, she would roll toward the dollhouse. Soon after that, at five months old she started wiggling. And of course, to Marlea's sheer terror - started wiggling toward her dollhouse. Of course shrieks followed along with Kira's first discovery about how to irritate her sister. The wiggling continued and she was soon wiggling all over our apartment. She cleaned my floors - her clothes were dirty from the chin to the toe. After she would tire of wiggling she would pick up her toes and roll. Unfortunately a hard drive failure caused the loss of all the pictures of those several months. She was just lots of fun!

My mind wants to relive last year and wish this were then and not now. I sometimes feel myself trying to argue and bargain with God again. Pray for peace for us as the year mark and Kira's birthday come next month.

Marylu and Merlin, Marlea, Anna